Am I Getting Too Old ?

A big house, insane amounts of alcohol, loud music, hot women in high spirits, a big wet pool and of course, 2 big cakes! One to be enjoyed in the manner cakes are supposed to be enjoyed and the other….to be eaten of course! That’s what’s on the checklist for all birthday parties, right?

Well…maybe not mine. You see, I have grown up now.

On the eve of my birthday, you can be sure to find me and my friends, NOT sitting at a pub, NOT having kamikaze shots, while I DO NOT try to make a fun conversation with that girl (who is obviously so incredibly hot, that if she was a seat belt, she would make a great branding iron everytime you decide to wear her). Instead we would in all probability be sitting with glasses of Pepsi and a big bowl of butter chicken, discussing services marketing and the different gaps between customer expectations and company production so that I have a one in a 12.4 billion chance that I get decent marks in my paper.

This is a conversation at a bar when I was young and 21 :

Incredibly sexy me: Hey!

Incredibly hot her: Hey incredibly sexy and ruggedly handsome hunk!

Incredibly sexy me: Would you like to have a drink with me?

Incredibly hot her: Yes! YES! YES!! YES!!! YESSS!!! In fact why don’t you let me buy you a drink and maybe we can both get drunk together and do some fun stuff in the night?? (in the hottest voice ever)

After a whole lot of drinking, we decided to spend the night at her place. Both of us got comfortable and cosy in her couch. We were a little worried that the neighbours might get disturbed due to the loud noises, but we continued nonetheless. Playing Super Mario while you're drunk is an unbelievably fun thing to do! Specially when you have a hot girl to play with!

And this is a conversation just before I turn 22:

My friend: How do you think we can manage to eliminate the gap between what our customers expect from us and what we are actually able to deliver?

Me: I believe we should somehow do a better market research on the segmented markets and do a thorough analysis of the propositions of each segment and then try and deliver value for money products and services to each segment catering to all their individual needs as a group. What do you think?

My friend: I totally agree with you.

I learnt that the ability to write good impressive answers is directly proportional to how well you can bullshit your way through them while at the same time throwing a lot of big words around so that your answer seems to be full of intellectual and knowledgeable data which would in turn, impress the readers. It seems simple and very easy....actually...it is.

And if all the excitement about writing a paper on my birthday wasn’t enough, I decided to get myself a tattoo too! Hehehehe…tattootoo!!….hehehe...I am so funny!

Anywhicheverway, after procrastinating for more than 20 years, I finally grew the necessary parts to face the needle and get it done. It’s going to be a strategically placed tattoo just above my elbow. I am planning to hit a couple of kamikazes before getting it done. But honestly, I think I am getting too old to do that stuff anymore.

(Source: The right side of my brain)

Internet In Heaven

So, it’s a lazy Thursday afternoon and there’s nothing like listening to some lazy country music while lazily lying on the bed and enjoying a big juicy green apple. Country music on a lazy afternoon is just as good as free high speed internet without cyberoam (which unfortunately wasn’t the case). This setting could well almost be a picture of heaven.


Heaven.
When I think of heaven, I just think of it as living, "the good life". A paradise where everyone you want to see, is hanging out with tall glasses of mojitos and longest island ice teas, where everyone is in a constant happy hour and obviously men don’t stutter while asking women out on a date and women don't say no. Considering that heaven has been around for a while, does it ever get updated as new people with new ideas start to roll in? Did Edison bring the light bulb? Did Gutenberg bring the printing press? And did Marconi bring the radio? If so, when I get there (being slightly optimistic), I hope there is internet. 



Imagine heaven with internet. You wake up one morning in your bed made of clouds and grab your iGod (the godly version of iPad). You check your Facebook feed and see that "Abe Lincoln is reallllllllllly tired after reading by the fire all night with #Aristotle!" 
Wouldn’t it be cool for people in heaven to enjoy the modern conveniences that we have on Earth? 
Wouldn't it be nice for Michael Jackson to tweet @Walt Disney, "I love your work, teach me your secrets" 
Walt would probably respond, "@Michael Jackson - you're bad." 
And Michael would say back, "@Walt Disney - I know I'm bad, I'm bad, really. Really bad."

But of course, some in heaven would be reluctant to hop on the internet train, as most ancient people are. Napoleon's “complex” would evolve to him writing in ALL CAPS SO PEOPLE THOUGHT HE WAS TOUGH. Also, Ponce De Leon would probably not approve of the explicit sites that come up when he types, "Fountain of Youth" in a Google search.
Now I am pretty sure some of you have already opened Google to see the results haven’t you?

Say Goodbye

Its time to write another page

And let go of our yesterdays

We've had our fights

And we've shared our lives

We've all but said what was needed to be said

No one knows where next is gonna be

But we can see where we have been

With the late night talks

That made us feel on top

Where some of us won and some of us lost

Guess its time to say

Say goodbye

Say goodbye

We've had a love and hate

With everybody's fate

But its all good its all worth the wait

The judges frown

With their dirty little crowns

But the song of life

You keep writing it down

A pat on the back

And a feather to the hat

Who cares about your dirty secrets

No one knows where next is gonna be

But we can see where we have been

Guess its time to say

Say goodbye

Say goodbye

A Very Different Day !

Yesterday we had an assignment where we had to reach Kothrud, and earn as much money as we could and return back to college. All this without spending any money, or using any form of personal conveyance.

Fun? Yes.

Easy? No.

After hitching a ride from 3 different people, we finally reached Kothrud. Palna and I started scouting around for jobs everywhere including a petrol pump, a Ford dealership, a couple of local shops and eating joints and even flower vendors before we finally managed to strike a deal with a restaurant called 4 Seasons. We had to help set up the morning tables, take orders from the customers and serve them. We worked for slightly longer than an hour and managed to earn Rs.100. In between we also had a brief stint at the kitchen where we had to chop vegetables and fruits to make a salad plate. That was the most fun thing I've done since I joined my college!

At about 1430 we decided that we should venture out and try more stuff. But as luck would have it, everybody either had a Manager or a CEO, to whom we had to speak to first. We started feeling a little low as we had managed to make only Rs.100 and were still roaming around in search of a job. I was even thinking about offering my services to the local cops to fight crime, but Palna wasn't too happy with the idea.

So, yet again we hitched a ride, this time to this place called Null stop. We thought we would just roam around in search of some way to earn money. I met a friend of mine over there who incidentally had his guitar with him at that time. So the only natural thing we could think of doing was to start playing and start entertaining! We sat outside one of the coffee shops and started singing and playing! We realized we were quite good entertainers as more and more students dropped by and started to sing along! Some of them put cash. Some didn't. All in all it was good fun!

In total, we managed to earn a mere Rs 250, but it was good fun and an incredible experience too. Something I would be more than happy to do again!

A Cute Epidemic?

So I sat down this afternoon prepared to write the greatest post of all time, you know, in that way I have, when all of a sudden I became extremely worried about the mental state of women everywhere.

For the second time in two days, from two different countries, a woman told me I looked cute.

Cute.

I have never looked cute. Not even as a little boy did I look cute. Adorable , sure, in a ruggedly handsome little boy way, but never cute.

And while I may need a haircut in some people's opinion, my long thick, glossy flowing locks most certainly do not make me look cute.
That is of course, unless you consider a pirate clinging to the crows nest in a hard wind to be cute.It most definitely would not be on my list of descriptive words though.

No, obviously I have given this a lot of thought, you know, in that way I have, and I have come to what can only be the only conclusion...

There is something seriously wrong with women in North America. I'm just afraid that this condition may go global. I have pondered this, you know, in that way I have, and I have been unable to determine if it is an eyesight problem, or perhaps the complete inability to select the proper adjective when needed.

Nor have I been able to ascertain how they both could have caught this scary disease, or condition.One is in California, the other in Canada, neither has been within a thousand miles of each other. I'm thinking, it must be airborne.Some germlike thing floating through the sky just looking for another female to attack. Seeking yet another female, to skewer her reality and make her think I look cute.

Either way, this is serious. Once again I am very very happy to be a male.

Even if I've never been a cute one.

Photographs...

Why I Think Women Rock

After my long hiatus from the blog world, I have finally decided to write something substantial.This one is for all the ladies...and in a way, for the guys as well...

1. It's Biblical. Adam got sad and lonely and so God made him a partner, enter WOMAN!! She completed man and brought forth children onto the earth, which brings me to my next point...

2. Not a SINGLE ONE OF US would be here if it weren't for women. You don't even really need to have a man present to have a kid anymore. Science has given us the ability to replace that part of the equation, but they have yet to replace the best damned incubator on the face of the planet...

3. Yes it's creepy, and gross, but they can bleed for a week and not die !!

4. Women work more than men. Now before you guys raise your eyebrows, think about it. Who says yes to you when you propose, goes through all the paperwork to change her name on her drivers license, Passport etc. who has the kid, nurses it, weans it, feeds it (most of the time), cleans it (again, most of the time), clothes it, kisses its boo boos better, helps it get ready for prom/first date, and still finds time to cook, clean, love her husband and have a career (again, generalization)?

5. Women have made more advances than men for their gender. They went from repressed, dominated weaklings, to burning bras, gaining the right to vote, fighting for and serving our country, and even running it! We have Women Chiefs of Police, Fire Marshals, Chief Justices, Presidents, Speakers for the House, Scientists, and in any other job you can imagine.

6. They're pretty and boys like it.

7. They are strong. I mean, have you ever messed with a kid in front of his mom? I did ONCE and I got chewed out, and when I got home, I got my butt whooped by my mom, and it hurt WAY worse than my dad's spankings.

8. Women are also soft. They can be hard ass career minded kick ass bitches, but at the end of the day, they do like to cuddle and talk and ease their stress, and our stress...which again leads to ...

9. They are loving. Every women, no matter how tough, has that one person that she loves more than anyone else and will sacrifice for even up to her life to make happy.

10. Boobs. ( I know! Kinda mood killer after those last too paragraphs, but they don't look good on guys. Be proud of your racks ladies!)

Do you agree with this list? Why do you think women rock?

Ladies, why do YOU think YOU rock?

This Is The Title

And this is my post. Thanks for reading. (:

Superhero

So, wouldn't it be great to have a few superheroes flying around today in our own confused and violent world ? When the world in comic books is in dire peril, ordinary people turn on the bat-signal or call out to Superman for help and hope his super hearing picks up the S.O.S.

Probably the reason we don't yet have our own Batman is because of the lack of parking space to park the Bat-mobile.

On a totally random note, I can't think of anything to write.

GAAH!!

Damn I need my personal superhero now!

English Language

English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. More than half of the world's books are in English. And of all the languages, it has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as 2 MILLION words. Nevertheless, I still think English is a crazy ass language. Lets take a look at a few examples -

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger and neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England and neither were french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads (which aren't sweet at all), are meat.

All of us take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand is something that works slowly, boxing rings are actually squares and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig actually.

Isn't it a little crazy that you can make amends but not one single amend?

And isn't it a little weird that you can comb through annals of history but not a single annal?

What if you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing? Shouldn't grocers groce and hammers ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? How?

If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, then what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

Isn't it a little weird that a slim chance and a fat chance are the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Also one of the other funny things about English is that we talk about certain things only when they are absent! Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled or ruly? And where are all those people who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

The Silent Halo

The new moon of no importance

Lingers behind in the sky's ending dance.

While the earth smokes a smoky blue

This time the moon's up and for full view.

Through the light of my window to see its blushes,

Brings the fragrance of bliss and joy to my senses.

This way and that way she peeks and she sees,

Many silver fruits upon the many silver trees.

For tonight the moon is undressed,

Like a beautiful woman in her seducing idleness.

Her knowing hands they love to caress,

In its own whim, the curvature of her dainty breasts.

Her hair will be mist scented and her jade white,

With her arms chilled in her clear light.

When the mood is ripe and on occasion,

She lets her passionate scent, fall from her bosom.

The moon, standing tall and standing mellow,

To everyone it shall stay, forever the silent halo.

My Pictures

Here's a couple of pictures that I took.

http://jeetbhuyan.carbonmade.com

Enjoy (:

And do comment (: (:

A Month Overdue !

I promise, this is just fictional.

Mr. Jeet B. comes home one night, and his loving wife throws her arms around his neck and says: “I have great news: I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.”

The next day, Mrs. B. receives a telephone call from Pune Electricity Board (PEB) because the electricity bill has not been paid.

“Am I speaking to Mrs. B.?”

“Yes…… speaking”

PEB guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!”

“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.

“Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the PEC guy .

“What are you saying? It’s in your files …… How?”

“Yes…………. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue.”

“God!…. this is too much……”

"Madam, I am sorry…I am following orders…I have to inform you are overdue.”

“I know that… let me talk to my husband about this tonight…he will speak to your company tomorrow.”

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to PEB office the next day morning.

“What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts.

“Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at PEB, “it’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.”

“Pay you? And if I refuse?”

“Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off!”

Masturbation

Here's a simple experiment, turn to the person next to you and say, "How often do you masturbate?" The reaction should be highly amusing.

Masturbation is one of those things that almost everybody does, but nobody (outside of confidential polls) admits to. He does it. She does it! I do it! Its nature's rule. It has to get out of your body somehow. Even porcupines masturbate! Meanwhile roughly 90% of all males and at least 70% of all females do masturbate. So why the big coverup? Hey, big deal, you say, I take a crap every day, but I don't go around bragging about that either.

Fair enough. But while a lot of people might decline to discuss their toileting habits, very few of these would go so far as to lie to you and claim they don't poop. And yet, pretty much every young man/woman will hurry to declare that they don't masturbate and that even if they "did that stuff when they were kids," it was just an embarrassing phase of curiosity that they have definitely outgrown.

Most people believe masturbation is wrong, evil and "anti-god" or even "anti-religion". In fact, its quite the contrary. Masturbation helps one learn about his or her own sexuality and prepares one for quality "couple's sex" down the road. Pro-masturbation educators claim that masturbating helps young people (and even adults) find realistic control over their sexual appetites, empowering them to make better choices about who they have sex with, when, and why.

For all those religious fanatics who say that - "touching yourself" and masturbating is a sin and you shall go to hell if you do it, all I have to say is - It was God's plan to make everyone get horny at some point or the other. And God or Evolution, has seen it fit to equip the human form such that, our fingertips dangle enticingly at roughly the same height as our crotches. And hence, its very hard to resist the temptation to let their fingers stray toward the naughty bits.

And if you can be as ignorant as to actually believe that masturbating will make someone pregnant, well I am sorry to say but it won't, no matter how hard you try. It's the safest way to fulfill your sexual desires as there is no partner involved (not talking about mutual masturbation here). No AIDS worry. And definitely no worry over infidelity issues.

All that masturbation does, is help you relax, sleep better and give you immense pleasure! Now why would any one want to deprive themselves of something like that? There's no reason to be ashamed of using your body the way you want to! Its the best instrument you've got and the best you'll ever get!

The Single Question

So earlier in the day I was hanging out with my friend. We are both currently single and have been single for over a year. We were talking about our most recent crushes, or lack thereof, and the kind of talk that involves a teenage boy mind mostly revolving around girls. Or the lack of them. There was a strain of thought that constantly ran through my mind - "I just want someone to want me." Sounds familiar? I guess it runs on almost every straight, single person's mind.

It sounds pathetic doesn't it? It's not that I don't have any self-esteem. I am content with my looks, personality, intelligence, success, etc. yet when I'm alone in my own moments, I still long to go for quiet walks with that person, or share ice creams together, or have endless talks on the phone, or just to know that someone else out there is thinking of me before they go to sleep.

Why do you think it is that we feel the need to be needed by the opposite sex so badly? Do you think it is true that people in relationships are generally happier than single people because of this reason?

Gratitude

Rainbows are flying into my space

I am happy and try not to go to waste

My ramblings quite seem mindless

Yet tickles everyone's senses

Well I guess it just suggests what happiness is...

The butterflies they flew away

Like the fashion from yesterday

Ice creams now taste so yum

Love the story that I've now become

And its cool to be done than undone

Just as long as you enjoy the fun...

I've been eating my fruits and my greens

And there's no need no need for any medicines

To fly and to be naturally high

You first need to learn to flirt with the sky

And just try till it sides to shine the light on your mind

Just be kind to let it find you....

Thank you my little friend

You and I both know I'll never change

I've been on a break to make my ways to mend

And thank you my little friend

Thank you my dear friend

A Letter For A Difficult Friend

Dearest friend,

I know our relationship has been difficult and we haven't really spoken in a long time, but it's recently become clear that we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the next few months. The issues we've faced in the past are going to resurface and we really, really need to work this out now before it's too late.

I'll admit I've said some terrible things about you in the past. I apologize. You think of me as an unintelligent person for not understanding you, even after years of trying. That's not true. You're difficult, you know? I know I've given up on you in the past and even broke your trust by cheating, but never again. I'm not going to give up on you this time. I'm determined to understand. I'm determined to keep trying.

That said, I hope things are easier this time around. I hope everything sinks in easier. I promise to keep trying despite how difficult you are. And you really are. Don't deny it and I'll try to keep my "hate" claims under wraps this semester.

Maths, I do want to be your friend. Really. Just help me understand you. Please.

Regards,

Jeet

Life Comes Around

Is it a chance to get lucky? Or is it lucky to get something by chance? What’s the difference, if at all there is any? To what extent is it really feasible, to let the universe take on the role of your personal manager and trust in its ability to get you what you want? Does it justify your wait, no matter how long it is?

I believe time is one big adventure. And a big misadventure too. For what may seem like the best option at one point of time, may not necessarily be the best at another. Or at least that’s what I think. Maybe, for time to work in favour of you, all you need to do is stop thinking! Let time take you through whichever route it wants to. But what if time is waiting for directions from you? Maybe it wants you to make your own course? Deceiving? A little maybe.

Time is a tricky little obsession! Everyone has it.

“Hari, submit your work on time!”

“Guys, it’s time for dinner.”

Hell, even the next person we pass on the road will probably end up asking – “What is the time?”

The thing is, I don’t know! It keeps on changing! What if it’s just a matter of convenience? An imaginary clog in the wheel, that keeps everything in momentum.

Maybe life is a wheel. It goes exploring new ideas and adventures and when it’s done a full circle, it shows us pretty much the same things it showed us earlier. Only this time, it’s got something else sticking to it.

Guess life repeats itself. Just with different settings and characters.

Tin Tin Ti Din !

Life takes place as we live it. Maybe that's why everyone's life is so unique and different. I am 20 and damn! This age is confusing! Sometimes, I am in a black and white and the next moment, I am in a thriller! And isnt it ironical that no matter where you are, you always want to be on the other side?

I think you grow when you learn to accept some things and believe in your decisions for the best. There will be moments when you get off on the wrong side of the bed, burn your toast, get stuck in traffic all day and get an F in your paper. But in the end, life's much bigger than that.

When was the last time we simply forgot all our worries and had an awfull lot of pani puris and bhel puri instead? When was the last time we looked up at the sky. I mean REALLY look up at the sky. Not the oh-god!-why-does-it-always-happen-to-me look up at the sky. I mean look up at the sky and be wondering how the clouds are however and whatever shape they are in? Who made those shapes? (I meant curves) When was the last time we let out our best carefree and satisfied burp?. Or quite simply - when was the last time we simply allowed everything else around us to slow down and give ourselves a much deserved moment?

Yes! We do have the power to slow down everything around us. And no. I dont mean using some molecular accelerator that increases your molecular activity. We can do all this using just our mind!

Sure! Who hasnt had their first awesome love experience? And again, who hasnt had their first awfull breakup? Who has not been embarassed by thier zips left open? Or their public farts? These things are bound to happen. They are all written in life's recipe. Instead of wondering what went wrong, just turn the page and voila! You have a new start! Its as simple as that! Maybe its also a little complicated. But its easy. Confused? Well I am. I guess blame it on the age.

I recently had a wonderful experience. And it will be one the best things I ever felt. I still feel it. And maybe sometimes you dont get the cherry. But you still have the cake! And sometimes, its the best thing that you ended up with just the cake!

Hmm...I have no idea what I wanted to say. Maybe I'll try out some new things tomorrow. Maybe I'll go bald! Or...umm...maybe I'll just wear a hat. Or learn to dance! Or find the solution to pi ! Or maybe I'll just get a breezer. After all - life tastes best when its chilled!

Innocence

Finally managed to upload another song I had composed. Let me know what you think :)

www.myspace.com/jeetspage