Am I Getting Too Old ?

A big house, insane amounts of alcohol, loud music, hot women in high spirits, a big wet pool and of course, 2 big cakes! One to be enjoyed in the manner cakes are supposed to be enjoyed and the other….to be eaten of course! That’s what’s on the checklist for all birthday parties, right?

Well…maybe not mine. You see, I have grown up now.

On the eve of my birthday, you can be sure to find me and my friends, NOT sitting at a pub, NOT having kamikaze shots, while I DO NOT try to make a fun conversation with that girl (who is obviously so incredibly hot, that if she was a seat belt, she would make a great branding iron everytime you decide to wear her). Instead we would in all probability be sitting with glasses of Pepsi and a big bowl of butter chicken, discussing services marketing and the different gaps between customer expectations and company production so that I have a one in a 12.4 billion chance that I get decent marks in my paper.

This is a conversation at a bar when I was young and 21 :

Incredibly sexy me: Hey!

Incredibly hot her: Hey incredibly sexy and ruggedly handsome hunk!

Incredibly sexy me: Would you like to have a drink with me?

Incredibly hot her: Yes! YES! YES!! YES!!! YESSS!!! In fact why don’t you let me buy you a drink and maybe we can both get drunk together and do some fun stuff in the night?? (in the hottest voice ever)

After a whole lot of drinking, we decided to spend the night at her place. Both of us got comfortable and cosy in her couch. We were a little worried that the neighbours might get disturbed due to the loud noises, but we continued nonetheless. Playing Super Mario while you're drunk is an unbelievably fun thing to do! Specially when you have a hot girl to play with!

And this is a conversation just before I turn 22:

My friend: How do you think we can manage to eliminate the gap between what our customers expect from us and what we are actually able to deliver?

Me: I believe we should somehow do a better market research on the segmented markets and do a thorough analysis of the propositions of each segment and then try and deliver value for money products and services to each segment catering to all their individual needs as a group. What do you think?

My friend: I totally agree with you.

I learnt that the ability to write good impressive answers is directly proportional to how well you can bullshit your way through them while at the same time throwing a lot of big words around so that your answer seems to be full of intellectual and knowledgeable data which would in turn, impress the readers. It seems simple and very easy....actually...it is.

And if all the excitement about writing a paper on my birthday wasn’t enough, I decided to get myself a tattoo too! Hehehehe…tattootoo!!….hehehe...I am so funny!

Anywhicheverway, after procrastinating for more than 20 years, I finally grew the necessary parts to face the needle and get it done. It’s going to be a strategically placed tattoo just above my elbow. I am planning to hit a couple of kamikazes before getting it done. But honestly, I think I am getting too old to do that stuff anymore.

(Source: The right side of my brain)

Internet In Heaven

So, it’s a lazy Thursday afternoon and there’s nothing like listening to some lazy country music while lazily lying on the bed and enjoying a big juicy green apple. Country music on a lazy afternoon is just as good as free high speed internet without cyberoam (which unfortunately wasn’t the case). This setting could well almost be a picture of heaven.


Heaven.
When I think of heaven, I just think of it as living, "the good life". A paradise where everyone you want to see, is hanging out with tall glasses of mojitos and longest island ice teas, where everyone is in a constant happy hour and obviously men don’t stutter while asking women out on a date and women don't say no. Considering that heaven has been around for a while, does it ever get updated as new people with new ideas start to roll in? Did Edison bring the light bulb? Did Gutenberg bring the printing press? And did Marconi bring the radio? If so, when I get there (being slightly optimistic), I hope there is internet. 



Imagine heaven with internet. You wake up one morning in your bed made of clouds and grab your iGod (the godly version of iPad). You check your Facebook feed and see that "Abe Lincoln is reallllllllllly tired after reading by the fire all night with #Aristotle!" 
Wouldn’t it be cool for people in heaven to enjoy the modern conveniences that we have on Earth? 
Wouldn't it be nice for Michael Jackson to tweet @Walt Disney, "I love your work, teach me your secrets" 
Walt would probably respond, "@Michael Jackson - you're bad." 
And Michael would say back, "@Walt Disney - I know I'm bad, I'm bad, really. Really bad."

But of course, some in heaven would be reluctant to hop on the internet train, as most ancient people are. Napoleon's “complex” would evolve to him writing in ALL CAPS SO PEOPLE THOUGHT HE WAS TOUGH. Also, Ponce De Leon would probably not approve of the explicit sites that come up when he types, "Fountain of Youth" in a Google search.
Now I am pretty sure some of you have already opened Google to see the results haven’t you?