English Language

English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. More than half of the world's books are in English. And of all the languages, it has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as 2 MILLION words. Nevertheless, I still think English is a crazy ass language. Lets take a look at a few examples -

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger and neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England and neither were french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads (which aren't sweet at all), are meat.

All of us take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand is something that works slowly, boxing rings are actually squares and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig actually.

Isn't it a little crazy that you can make amends but not one single amend?

And isn't it a little weird that you can comb through annals of history but not a single annal?

What if you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing? Shouldn't grocers groce and hammers ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? How?

If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, then what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

Isn't it a little weird that a slim chance and a fat chance are the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

Also one of the other funny things about English is that we talk about certain things only when they are absent! Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled or ruly? And where are all those people who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

The Silent Halo

The new moon of no importance

Lingers behind in the sky's ending dance.

While the earth smokes a smoky blue

This time the moon's up and for full view.

Through the light of my window to see its blushes,

Brings the fragrance of bliss and joy to my senses.

This way and that way she peeks and she sees,

Many silver fruits upon the many silver trees.

For tonight the moon is undressed,

Like a beautiful woman in her seducing idleness.

Her knowing hands they love to caress,

In its own whim, the curvature of her dainty breasts.

Her hair will be mist scented and her jade white,

With her arms chilled in her clear light.

When the mood is ripe and on occasion,

She lets her passionate scent, fall from her bosom.

The moon, standing tall and standing mellow,

To everyone it shall stay, forever the silent halo.

My Pictures

Here's a couple of pictures that I took.

http://jeetbhuyan.carbonmade.com

Enjoy (:

And do comment (: (:

A Month Overdue !

I promise, this is just fictional.

Mr. Jeet B. comes home one night, and his loving wife throws her arms around his neck and says: “I have great news: I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.”

The next day, Mrs. B. receives a telephone call from Pune Electricity Board (PEB) because the electricity bill has not been paid.

“Am I speaking to Mrs. B.?”

“Yes…… speaking”

PEB guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!”

“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.

“Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the PEC guy .

“What are you saying? It’s in your files …… How?”

“Yes…………. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue.”

“God!…. this is too much……”

"Madam, I am sorry…I am following orders…I have to inform you are overdue.”

“I know that… let me talk to my husband about this tonight…he will speak to your company tomorrow.”

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to PEB office the next day morning.

“What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts.

“Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at PEB, “it’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.”

“Pay you? And if I refuse?”

“Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off!”

Masturbation

Here's a simple experiment, turn to the person next to you and say, "How often do you masturbate?" The reaction should be highly amusing.

Masturbation is one of those things that almost everybody does, but nobody (outside of confidential polls) admits to. He does it. She does it! I do it! Its nature's rule. It has to get out of your body somehow. Even porcupines masturbate! Meanwhile roughly 90% of all males and at least 70% of all females do masturbate. So why the big coverup? Hey, big deal, you say, I take a crap every day, but I don't go around bragging about that either.

Fair enough. But while a lot of people might decline to discuss their toileting habits, very few of these would go so far as to lie to you and claim they don't poop. And yet, pretty much every young man/woman will hurry to declare that they don't masturbate and that even if they "did that stuff when they were kids," it was just an embarrassing phase of curiosity that they have definitely outgrown.

Most people believe masturbation is wrong, evil and "anti-god" or even "anti-religion". In fact, its quite the contrary. Masturbation helps one learn about his or her own sexuality and prepares one for quality "couple's sex" down the road. Pro-masturbation educators claim that masturbating helps young people (and even adults) find realistic control over their sexual appetites, empowering them to make better choices about who they have sex with, when, and why.

For all those religious fanatics who say that - "touching yourself" and masturbating is a sin and you shall go to hell if you do it, all I have to say is - It was God's plan to make everyone get horny at some point or the other. And God or Evolution, has seen it fit to equip the human form such that, our fingertips dangle enticingly at roughly the same height as our crotches. And hence, its very hard to resist the temptation to let their fingers stray toward the naughty bits.

And if you can be as ignorant as to actually believe that masturbating will make someone pregnant, well I am sorry to say but it won't, no matter how hard you try. It's the safest way to fulfill your sexual desires as there is no partner involved (not talking about mutual masturbation here). No AIDS worry. And definitely no worry over infidelity issues.

All that masturbation does, is help you relax, sleep better and give you immense pleasure! Now why would any one want to deprive themselves of something like that? There's no reason to be ashamed of using your body the way you want to! Its the best instrument you've got and the best you'll ever get!

The Single Question

So earlier in the day I was hanging out with my friend. We are both currently single and have been single for over a year. We were talking about our most recent crushes, or lack thereof, and the kind of talk that involves a teenage boy mind mostly revolving around girls. Or the lack of them. There was a strain of thought that constantly ran through my mind - "I just want someone to want me." Sounds familiar? I guess it runs on almost every straight, single person's mind.

It sounds pathetic doesn't it? It's not that I don't have any self-esteem. I am content with my looks, personality, intelligence, success, etc. yet when I'm alone in my own moments, I still long to go for quiet walks with that person, or share ice creams together, or have endless talks on the phone, or just to know that someone else out there is thinking of me before they go to sleep.

Why do you think it is that we feel the need to be needed by the opposite sex so badly? Do you think it is true that people in relationships are generally happier than single people because of this reason?

Gratitude

Rainbows are flying into my space

I am happy and try not to go to waste

My ramblings quite seem mindless

Yet tickles everyone's senses

Well I guess it just suggests what happiness is...

The butterflies they flew away

Like the fashion from yesterday

Ice creams now taste so yum

Love the story that I've now become

And its cool to be done than undone

Just as long as you enjoy the fun...

I've been eating my fruits and my greens

And there's no need no need for any medicines

To fly and to be naturally high

You first need to learn to flirt with the sky

And just try till it sides to shine the light on your mind

Just be kind to let it find you....

Thank you my little friend

You and I both know I'll never change

I've been on a break to make my ways to mend

And thank you my little friend

Thank you my dear friend

A Letter For A Difficult Friend

Dearest friend,

I know our relationship has been difficult and we haven't really spoken in a long time, but it's recently become clear that we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the next few months. The issues we've faced in the past are going to resurface and we really, really need to work this out now before it's too late.

I'll admit I've said some terrible things about you in the past. I apologize. You think of me as an unintelligent person for not understanding you, even after years of trying. That's not true. You're difficult, you know? I know I've given up on you in the past and even broke your trust by cheating, but never again. I'm not going to give up on you this time. I'm determined to understand. I'm determined to keep trying.

That said, I hope things are easier this time around. I hope everything sinks in easier. I promise to keep trying despite how difficult you are. And you really are. Don't deny it and I'll try to keep my "hate" claims under wraps this semester.

Maths, I do want to be your friend. Really. Just help me understand you. Please.

Regards,

Jeet

Life Comes Around

Is it a chance to get lucky? Or is it lucky to get something by chance? What’s the difference, if at all there is any? To what extent is it really feasible, to let the universe take on the role of your personal manager and trust in its ability to get you what you want? Does it justify your wait, no matter how long it is?

I believe time is one big adventure. And a big misadventure too. For what may seem like the best option at one point of time, may not necessarily be the best at another. Or at least that’s what I think. Maybe, for time to work in favour of you, all you need to do is stop thinking! Let time take you through whichever route it wants to. But what if time is waiting for directions from you? Maybe it wants you to make your own course? Deceiving? A little maybe.

Time is a tricky little obsession! Everyone has it.

“Hari, submit your work on time!”

“Guys, it’s time for dinner.”

Hell, even the next person we pass on the road will probably end up asking – “What is the time?”

The thing is, I don’t know! It keeps on changing! What if it’s just a matter of convenience? An imaginary clog in the wheel, that keeps everything in momentum.

Maybe life is a wheel. It goes exploring new ideas and adventures and when it’s done a full circle, it shows us pretty much the same things it showed us earlier. Only this time, it’s got something else sticking to it.

Guess life repeats itself. Just with different settings and characters.

Tin Tin Ti Din !

Life takes place as we live it. Maybe that's why everyone's life is so unique and different. I am 20 and damn! This age is confusing! Sometimes, I am in a black and white and the next moment, I am in a thriller! And isnt it ironical that no matter where you are, you always want to be on the other side?

I think you grow when you learn to accept some things and believe in your decisions for the best. There will be moments when you get off on the wrong side of the bed, burn your toast, get stuck in traffic all day and get an F in your paper. But in the end, life's much bigger than that.

When was the last time we simply forgot all our worries and had an awfull lot of pani puris and bhel puri instead? When was the last time we looked up at the sky. I mean REALLY look up at the sky. Not the oh-god!-why-does-it-always-happen-to-me look up at the sky. I mean look up at the sky and be wondering how the clouds are however and whatever shape they are in? Who made those shapes? (I meant curves) When was the last time we let out our best carefree and satisfied burp?. Or quite simply - when was the last time we simply allowed everything else around us to slow down and give ourselves a much deserved moment?

Yes! We do have the power to slow down everything around us. And no. I dont mean using some molecular accelerator that increases your molecular activity. We can do all this using just our mind!

Sure! Who hasnt had their first awesome love experience? And again, who hasnt had their first awfull breakup? Who has not been embarassed by thier zips left open? Or their public farts? These things are bound to happen. They are all written in life's recipe. Instead of wondering what went wrong, just turn the page and voila! You have a new start! Its as simple as that! Maybe its also a little complicated. But its easy. Confused? Well I am. I guess blame it on the age.

I recently had a wonderful experience. And it will be one the best things I ever felt. I still feel it. And maybe sometimes you dont get the cherry. But you still have the cake! And sometimes, its the best thing that you ended up with just the cake!

Hmm...I have no idea what I wanted to say. Maybe I'll try out some new things tomorrow. Maybe I'll go bald! Or...umm...maybe I'll just wear a hat. Or learn to dance! Or find the solution to pi ! Or maybe I'll just get a breezer. After all - life tastes best when its chilled!

Innocence

Finally managed to upload another song I had composed. Let me know what you think :)

www.myspace.com/jeetspage

Favourtite White Tshirt

One thing I absolutely love about the rains is having a steaming cup of tea, along with a platefull of the most delicious and the most unhealthy pakodas I can get my hands on (:

And one thing I absolutely hate about the rains, is the massive amount of mud sprays you get on yourself, while riding your bike. There's absolutely no way you can escape it. Trying to avoid it is like going to China and trying to avoid Chineese food (although the latter sometimes taste better than mud).

I have noticed that this happens to me specially when I am wearing white. More so on the days, when I happen to leave behind my jacket at home.

So, on a day like any other, I was on my way to college on my bike. The weather was pretty good.

"Hmmm....thats weird.", I said to myself.

"The weather is never this good."

In fact, it was so good that it somehow didnt seem right to be so good in the middle of the rainy season! And sure enough! It starts to rain the very next moment! And no! It wasnt the kind of rain that you would pass on for a tiny leak. No! The whole dam had collapsed!!! And it was coming down hard!

I was wearing a newly washed white t-shirt, and quite obviously, I forgot my jacket at home. The vehicles on the road had no intention of sparing me or my newly washed white tshirt at all! One particular lady, who was driving her Honda, seemed to make it a point to splash water and mud on every rider she passed. She was too good at it.

By the time I reached college, my t-shirt looked like it had been dipped in chocolate. I was even tempted to taste it. But thank goodness for self control!

Fortunately my friend, my very good friend, Shane, happened to have an extra tshirt with him that day.

Yay!!

It was white.

Crap!

It was his favourite white tshirt.

Crap!! Crap!!

Somehow I managed to convince him that his favourite white tshirt is absolutely safe with me and I wont let any mud sprays come on it.

He agreed.

He shouldnt have. Cause the very next moment, and I mean in the very next couple of minutes we decided to go and have lunch. And of course! You are allowed to guess what happened next.

The look that Shane had on his face, when he saw that his favourite white tshirt, now had a patch of brown (thanks to chicken gravy and my clumsy hands) still gives me nightmares! It was the scariest look I ever got from him!

Now this episode of my life has taught me one very valuable lesson.

Never borrow a white tshirt from your friend on a rainy day. Especially his favourite white tshirt. Thankfully things are back to normal now. We greet each other. We talk about girls together. He acts gay with me. I play along. Yeah....pretty much the life of a normal 20 year old, sleeping in class NOT wearing a white tshirt. Anymore.

It still rains though.

26 Letters

And lately I've been writing lines, sometimes hollow sometimes full
But mostly about you and I, the lovesick fool.
Candid moments, of sound and sights
Dinner and Jazz by the mystique seaside.
Every little touch, and all your subtle moves,
Find the right words, and I'll tell you when I do.
Gotta keep the distance though
How hard is it? I sure would know.
In the oceans I sailed, had no choice but to leave
Just when I found that my love was just as deep.
Kissing you would be the deepest thing to do
Loving you was like cupid right on cue.
My head is in so many places, and so are you
Now tell me, how do I settle this without you?
Only if instead of you, I could love someone else
Probably she'd be betrayed,cause I cant love anyone but yourself.
Quiet nights and sparky spring days
Reminiscent of the wastefull times, all so gone without a trace.
Soul has a meaning of its own as long as it lasts
They had mine with you, no wonder I miss you the most.
Useless questions sometimes scare me a little
Vow to you, if I could I would never leave you in the middle.
Words might be forgotten, and so i write this
eXaggerated it might sound, but you are the pages of my diaries.
You know I would do anything if I could get you, but like the
Zephyr, I guess I'll move away, ever so gently from you.

Bittersweet Symphony

Who is a best friend? What is a best friend made of?

When I was young, a best friend for me was probably someone, who I was very fond of and would share his/her lunch with me at school. When I was younger, my best friends were Captain Planet and Swat Kats. Maybe, it still holds true for some of us.

Throughout the year, loads of short messages do the rounds on our phones, highlighting some aspect of friendship or the other. Some are nice, some are flattering, some are naive and some are stupid and downright hilarious. They all seem to point out that friendship is the best thing going for the insecure psyche.

However, a best friend is hard to find, difficult to identify and tough to hold on to. They cannot be pointed out. They are like the moonlight. They are there during the bright times, silent and diluted, but ever present with you, but also shining their light in the dark times. And no amount of analysis can help you ever comprehend, what a best friend really is, until you get one. They are someone who can do what others wont even dream of doing for you. If on one hand it means standing by you when the whole world has turned its back on you, on the other hand, it means forcing you to give up your bad ways even if he or she knows that you may not see reason in it and take it otherwise.

One of the other things about best friends is, when they get hurt, whether it was because of you or someone/something else, you get hurt equally bad.

I think I was enormously stupid and unexplainably juvenile, to even have second thoughts about the idea of my best friend doing something wrong to me, just because someone else told me so. I mean she was my first real best friend. She still is. It took me two and half years to finally meet her. It took her even lesser to change me into someone desirable and definitely a much better human.

It hurt me a lot, to know that I was a part to the play that brought tears to her eyes. It was probably lesser than what she had to go through to wipe them. Especially for a person like her who has never cried before.

To her :

There is no way I can explain to you how sorry I am about what happened. I really am out of words.

The fact is, every other person, hears what I have to say. My friends listen to what I say. But you, know what I dont even say. And for that and everything else, you are my best friend in every sense of its own. I hope I can be one to you too. I know lost faith, even if it is little, is hard to get back, but I am truly sorry about everything.

All I want you to know is that if ever you are stranded in the middle of a desert, you can call on me and be sure that I will come and pick you up. Everytime you need me to.

Long Distance Relationship

Seven colours of the rainbow

A friend to every blind soul

Brown trees outside of the window

Dancing under the light's own shadow

I have a secret but I wont surrender

To live out and to live in the wander

Its both disturbing and relieving

Like a word with a nasty double meaning

Crisp as the throws of the morning

I light my path and follow my own calling

Set your foot on the unknown ground

Distance doesnt tell the truth, I found

Its a chance to share your dreams

Chance the mirror and get real with your feelings

Should the winter call where would you hide?

Take a minute off time when you decide

P.S.: I have nothing against the idea of long distance. One of my friends had a break up because of the distance and so this poem is, in a way, just one of the many arguments that bothered my mind for a period.

Uh Oh !

So I got tagged. And now, I have to list Seven Weird Facts about me. Bhaalu, if you're reading this, I am pret-ty sure you are getting a kick out of this, aren't you?

Anyway...here goes...

1. I rub my tummy whenever I talk. Or stand. Or sit. Pretty much anytime. (not in a sick way though)

2. Sometimes I prefer feminine stuff more than guy stuff. Guy stuff gets boring after a while. No, I dont have a secret make-up kit in my cupboard. (anymore)

3. I like bursting bubbles from bubble wrap. (:

4. Sometimes, I like to scratch my back with a comb. It gives me great pleasure.

5. I am still the kid who wakes up in the middle of the night to grab his midnight snack. I love midnight snacks !! They are awesome !! (:

6. Only the original Sony Ericsson earphones fit into my ears. The others dont fit me. I have weird ears.

7. I can burp the alphabets. I am not too proud of it but its talent!

There you go! Seven of the weirdest about me! Hehe...

Thanks Shweta! (:

On This Day

3rd July 2009.

On this day I -

1. Woke up at 6 AM.

2. Wore orange shorts with white coconut trees.

3. Started recording one of the bands originals.

4. Had a ton of cheese.

5. Fell asleep while recording.

6. Ordered two cheese burst pizzas from Domino's. They took more than 30 minutes. Got 300 bucks off. ((:

7. Went for a late night walk with Sunai at 1 30 in the morning. Not romantic.

8. Got chased by dogs. Thrice.

If you are wondering why I am posting the events of 3rd July today, on the 18th of July, its because I was quite busy with a lot of things that needed my immediate attention. Or I was just too lazy.

Coffee Shop Smile

Coffee shops are great

On a sunny winter day.

To read a book and smile

With the wind just as mild.

The wooden shades talk

Of birds of a flock.

About the lonely sky

And the rainbows and butterfly.

There are fish in the river

Who talk about diamonds in the silver.

Like the way we show us love

They too believe in the white dove.

There's always a reason to sing

When you least expect, it rings

Maybe its a little out of place

But in the end its you and your days

Maybe what we see are visions

Rainbows too are just illusions.

When you learn how to fly

Remember, dont yet say a goodbye.

A secret garden on the hill

Gives you fruits but without the bill.

But again secrets are for everyone

Some have fun, and some decide to learn.

They say love is a mystery

Like an unfound cherry.

You have to fall stumble and hurry

And then you find your chocolate bunny.

There's always a reason to sing

When you least expect, it rings

Maybe its a little out of place

But in the end its you and your days.

Statutory Warning : Includes The Word "Fart"

Let me tell you about a funny thing that happened to me yesterday. But in order to understand how humiliaitingly funny it was, you will need to know a couple of things. Read on.

Now I would like to believe there are two kinds of people in this world. One - People who dont really mind when someone farts in public. And two - the other kind who would take so much offense that if it was possible for them to go to a police station and file a complaint against that person, he/she would not only do that, but also make sure they get the strictest punishment that one can get for farting in public. Like the warning to eat less spicy food wasnt enough.

Flatulence, (the scientific word for fart) (yes I looked it up) is the only natural way of releasing gases that are byproducts of the digestion process. In fact, times are so bad now for pro-public farters, that one man was actually accused for accidently farting when an officer pulled him over. Of course the charges were dropped after the judge said he was innocent and the fart was only accidental.

But some people's farts are so precious, they even find their way to online super markets like ebay. Only a couple of days back, a "jar of fart" from a "hot girl" was on sale on ebay for $71. I think "cool guy" bought it.

There have been quite a lot of inventions to silence the sound that comes along when one farts. Some genius guy called "Big chicken mushroom" from Wuhun, China, invented a device not so handy and completely impractical with a highly creative and original name, called the "Fart Silencer". Genius I say.

I dont understand the big deal that some people associate with farts. Its a completely natural phenomena! After it has occured, it leaves one with a sense of lightedness and relief with a tone of satisfaction that is comparable to a good night of you know what I am talking about....

sex in case you cant figure it out. Now there are scientists who actually "grow diamonds" using methane and oxygen which is nothing more than crystallized farts! And they say diamonds are a girl's best friend eh?

So anyway I think its time for me to tell you the truth. Well nothing humiliatingly funny happened to me yesterday. Atleast nothing that I know of. I just wrote that so you would be interested and hence read the rest of the story. Haha. Gotcha!

I should really get a life.

My Second Instrumental song I composed

Its called Moonlight...please do comment...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vrePIbfDEg